SAMPLE SCENE 2 Packing scene - 2nd attempt

This is the 2nd attempt at filming the scene where the tennis player's partner (Cathy) is leaving him



CHANGES

• Much more set dressing:
• tennis equipment is placed throughout the room
• photos of the couple and the tennis team have been added for verisimilitude
• female beauty products and jewellery were placed on the surface in front of the mirror
• stereotypically female books were placed on one side of the bed, and stereotypically male ones on the other
• the wardrobe was changed so that there is a clear divide between men's and women's clothes
• a larger suitcase that is more realistic for a permanent move
• Character creation had more detail:
• we prepared a business suit (black trousers, smart shoes with modest heel, shirt and a blazer)
• and a long, smart looking coat for when they leave the house
• a watch, something teenagers do not usually wear
• modest make-up (lip gloss and mascara)
• More directing for the acting:
• there was more demonstration of the actions (e.g. wiping the tear away)
• there were issues in following direction with the actress previously playing the tennis player's partner (saying she felt uncomfortable in front of the camera) so a change in cast was a good idea
• new shots:
• close-ups of the set dressing
• shot of the suitcase being slammed onto the bed so that we can attempt an almost match cut from the joggers foot landing on the ground
• 
  

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FEEDBACK

• Genre/target audience:
• the people we asked all though it was aimed at teenagers, though one though the target age would up to 20 - this could be because the lead of this scene is played by a teenager, though we have gone to a lot of effort to dress the character so that they seem older
• Improvements
• the sound editing has clear issues - make the ambient sound quieter and the music louder
• the lighting got mixed reactions - one said it seemed good, the other not realistic
• we did use the lighting to create some shadow on the face of the lead as she wipes a tear to show the gloominess, but the rest is the lighting we had available, which is the natural lighting of the room
• Positive feedback
• everyone said that the music fit
• there was no confusion as to what the narrative was - it was clear that she was leaving
• no one said the set dressing seemed posed or unreal - it fits in
• the genre guess was never far from accurate, but we did not expect teenagers to be able to guess if it was a social realist film

• on recording audio (google details) - noise reduction in FCPX - reduce background hiss
• dutch angle, varying focus and set dressing good (first shot)
• trim hand opening cupboard door - pauses unnaturally
• maybe trim door and keys in post box
• maybe quicker cross cut between crying bits to make it more convincing as you can't see tears
• do not want to lose verisimilitude. Maybe get 2 shots of her wiping face, not continuous shot - loses convincingness as its continuous
• slight continuity breach between hand wiping face in the 2 shots
• start music when she is holding the picture
• ring, earrings and office clothing good (power point embedded to show all things added)
• lighting is bad, lense might have been blurry. quite dark except for bright zones
• maybe try some non-linear editing? or don't as in rough and final cut all is cross-cut with jogging
• focus work - some is bad some is good
• about blur - see if sharpening tools in final cut
• maybe shorten takes or transition/cross them over to disguise
• maybe film a drop of water falling onto picture, very tight focus, to show tears
• maybe bring clang in earlier when she drops the keys then trim take slightly 
• trim unnecessary movements so time
• for second instrument ask music teacher what instrument she thinks is the second one in Tyrannosaur 
• ask if students play is
• direct them to record long, sad notes and then record

MAIN ISSUES:

sound and out of focus shots

music could be better - the music is a little dull - look at Tyrannosaur and spacing between notes and pacing, use 2 instruments - better simulacrum 

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Music update

A review of the second attempt at the packing scene showed us that we needed different music - the music we were using was very repetitive, but got the tone right.
Using the same chords, but a different finger picking pattern, I created this music to use in future cuts



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