ROUGH CUT 1

This is the first full rough cut of our film opening The Journey, with credits and idents.

Originally we wanted to have the jogging cross-cut throughout, but when we tried it made it extremely hard to follow what was happening, as it looked like Tanay was out jogging, and then was also playing tennis at the same time, so we removed the jogging we had cross-cut throughout the opening.


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Idents:

• Maw Productions - too short, add toyCo ident
• Red Films - sound needs fixing (hiss) add music
• Journey Films - cannot read the paper, looks too much like it's part of the film, the paper doesn't work. better lighting, things going into suitcase, when bag is dropped and spilt open, picked up, on ground says Journey Films
• fade to black, fade up from black - more conventional for social realist

Titles:

use this post for help

• Font - too simple, make company name in upper case, make names bigger than the rest
• could use sans serif for non-names
• add film title
• more cast names (with, introducing, featuring)
• Harriet B. - stands out, no reason why it is written like that

make post with all titles, font, case, size, reasoning

Sound:

• There is no sound in the first scene, no diegetic, Foley or ambient - unnatural. Sound of footsteps and packing - get sound of cars going past, a dog barking. Add to verisimilitude
• sound of Cathy sighing needs to be louder
• jogging - exaggerate breathing and footsteps 
• don't include music unless you have a shot of switching it on - music when he is jogging must be lower
• camera wind sound - have to rebuild audio
• all sound has to be louder
• music does not work at all
• audio is not synced up

Editing:

• need to trim wiping face shot of tear, because otherwise it looks like she's just wiping her face
• packing scene drags on
• training scene does not need to be linear chronologically - put in shots of him hitting the ball. Acting is not super convincing so this will help with maintaining verisimilitude
• use shot of convo from other side
• transition to jogging is very episodic, not smooth - fade needs to be quicker (maybe try a cross-fade, audio-bridge (start next scene audio before end of scene)
• Start jogging scene with extreme long shot
• PACING - needs to be quicker, shorter takes or cut some out
• keep bits of guy in car shorter - threat of danger, foreshadowing - even hybridity style (verging on horror e.g. Dead Man's Shoes), make film more widely appealing
• speed up car (maybe add gear clunk sound) - add engine sound
• shot is very bright, keep shots of driver short
• shaking camera - cut off end of ELS jogging
• can see jogger from inside the car
• speed up car
• could make 2 stopping events - show determination. taking breath is too long
• can cross cut between accident and hospital (flashing back to trauma)
• ENDING - too abrupt, maybe hands bring gripped, or his eyes shutting again

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